Within a Wish
by just like our last
Summary: I still love you more than anything in the world... Love, your baby girl.


**Author's Note: I know I said that I wouldn't write fanfiction until the end of November, but I forced myself to work on this only when I was caught up with NaNoWriMo at the end of each day, because I was just suddenly inspired to write this by another really good fanfiction I read by Kari-writes on tumblr. So I give her credit for inspiring this. Now, I know you guys probably want more of my Jori fic, but the thing is, I have the plot worked out for that. I didn't know I would be writing this fic until yesterday when I was so suddenly inspired, and I can't work on something that I already know the plot for when I've already declared that I wouldn't work on fanfiction this month. So I'm very sorry about the wait on my Jori fic, but it's going to continue. In the mean time, I hope you enjoy this randomly inspired fic. I realize that the headcanon of this fic contradicts my other fanfiction about Carly, Of Tears and Hope, but that's just the way fanfiction is. ;P Lately I've taken such a strong loving towards Carly Shay that all I want to do is write and write and _write_ about her and explore and explore and_ explore_ her character, because there's really a lot more to her character than what's let on, in my opinion, as you can see through this fic and my other one. Now, enjoy. And please review! 3**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own iCarly.**

...

_Two_

She is nearly two years old and there is nothing more beautiful than her mother's smile. Her round little face lights up with laughter, her brunette baby curls falling around her face as her mother kisses her cheek and tickles her tummy. A little stuffed pink wiener dog is held in her sticky hands, and everything is right as she watches her older brother and her father playing a card game across the table. All is perfect as she listens to her brother protest when her father wins one of his cards, and her father laughs and offers a remark about how Spencer never stood a chance, and her mother teases them both and tugs lightly on the stuffed wiener dog in Carly's hands. She stays there on her mother's lap, sucking on her purple binky and mumbling about how she wants to play too, and reaches across the table for a card. Her brother declares that she can be on his team, and she is transferred from one lap to another. She looks up at Spencer's face and he smiles at her, and she smiles back so wide that the binky falls from her mouth, to be caught by the little striped ribbon that attaches it to her shirt. The memory is captured forever when her mother leans in and snaps the picture so that all four of them can be seen, and everything is beautiful and perfect.

_Four _

She is four and a half now, and she does not understand what death is. She does not understand why her mother has not come home. She does not understand why she is sitting in Spencer's lap again, fondling that same pink wiener dog, except this time Spencer is not smiling, and they are sitting in a church, and her mother is not there, a long, black box in her place. Her father said that that's where her mother is, but when Spencer thought her father wasn't listening, he reassured her that only her mother's body was in that box, and that her soul was still very much alive and with them. But her father just grunts and tries to look strong, and Spencer just holds her close.

_Six _

She is almost six now, and they want her to go to kindergarten. They want her to go to a place where she'll be surrounded by other kids, where she'll learn to read and write and make friends. And though Spencer and her father are trying to make it sound like a good place, she is not easily convinced. She lingers at the doorway to the classroom, and Spencer leads her over to the teacher's desk, and a young, overly-cheerful blonde lady leans down and smiles at her and introduces herself, and Carly just blinks, shy and clinging tight to that same little pink stuffed wiener dog. Her father would have protested on her bringing a stuffed animal to school, had he not left for a place called 'the Navy' mere weeks before. But Spencer, of course, made no protest, for he knows she finds comfort in the little stuffed dog. And so he crouches down next to her and promises her that school will be fun, and hugs her tight before he goes. She watches him escape down the hallway and out the doors, and feels a tear fall down her cheek as the last thing familiar to her slips away, leaving only her little pink wiener dog behind, leaving her alone in a world full of strange faces and loud children fighting over blocks. She does not speak to anyone, and when she arrives home she begs Spencer never to send her back. But he does, of course, gently reassuring her that it will be alright, and that she should try to make some friends.

_Eight _

She is going to be eight now, and a girl named Sam tries to steal her tuna sandwich. She doesn't let her, and somehow Sam becomes her first and only friend. Sam watches as Carly is bullied by the big kids and won't have it; Sam doesn't even have to raise a fist before they run away from the cowering brunette, knowing that the little dirty-blonde is stronger than she appears. And they become Carly and Sam, and no one dares tease Carly about the way she still carries a stuffed wiener dog around ever again, because Sam is there to fight for her. And they hold hands as they play hopscotch on the playground, each balancing on one foot and laughing. And they sit down in the grass nearby, and Carly leans her head close to Sam's and promises that they'll be friends forever. And that is when they spend the rest of recess inventing the Ankle Swear, designed as a way for only Carly and Sam to keep a promise. And it is the Ankle Swear with which they promise to be friends forever.

_Ten _

She has just turned ten now, and she is sitting on her bed looking through an old photo album. Pictures of her life as she skims through years, pictures of her mother's funeral and her hugging her father goodbye as he leaves to 'the Navy'. Pictures of her first day of school, pictures of her with Sam, pictures of her with Spencer. She notices two things constant about each and every picture: the little pink stuffed wiener dog, and the sad, vacant expression on Carly's face. Never is she truly smiling. Occasionally, in a moment spend with Sam or Spencer, a shadow of a smirk can be seen on her face, in what might be mistaken for a smile, but her dull brown eyes tell otherwise. Until finally, she comes across that picture taken years ago of her sitting on Spencer's lap, watching him and her father play cards, her mother leaning in to snap the picture. The wiener dog is still there, her first and favorite toy, but unlike the rest of the pictures, so is a pure, genuine smile on baby Carly's face. Instinctively, she grabs for the stuffed dog from it's place at the head of her bed, holding it to her chest as if willing it to take her back to that day when she was two years old and all was perfect. As if hoping that by holding onto the only piece of that picture that she has left, she can go back to that day, she can have her mother alive and her father home, and they can live in the big pretty house that she vaguely remembers with the shining living room and the bright yellow kitchen, and she can help her mother bake cookies, and she can watch TV sitting on her father's lap, and she can wish. And without even realizing it, as she traces the delicate features of her mother's face on the glossy picture, holding onto the little pink wiener dog for dear life, she begins to cry. Soon she is sobbing, sobbing and clinging to the wiener dog and the picture, sobbing and wishing and not even noticing Spencer enter the room to tell her that it's lunch time until he is at her side, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him while she sobs harder still. She is in his lap, just as she was eight years ago and smiling, but sobbing this time. And they both stare at the picture for what could have been hours, lunch long forgotten on the table downstairs. When the night comes, she does not change into her pyjamas, but insists without words that Spencer stays, and the two curl up on her bed and fall asleep. Carly still holds the little stuffed dog to her chest and the picture in one hand. Carly still wishes and wonders as she cries herself to sleep, her brother's arms around her reminding her that this is all she has left as she fades slowly into a deep, peaceful sleep.

_Twelve_

She is at the edge of being twelve now, and a boy her age is moving into the apartment across the hall. Spencer was going to bring the new neighbors fresh-baked cookies, but he set them on fire, so they settle for offering a package of Oreos arranged onto a plate and a cheery card. This proves to be no better, however, as the little boy's mother quickly informs them that Oreos have much to high of a sugar intake for her and 'her Fredward'. Carly stifles a laugh at his name, and he declares with eager eyes that she can call him Freddie, and proceeds to treat her like a princess for the rest of the strange visit. She invites Sam over the next day to meet him, and they are instantly bickering and calling each other names, but Carly can tell from the way Sam treats him that she doesn't mean it the way she means it when she throws defensive lines at anyone that dares try to tease little Carly. And so they become a trio of sorts, disoriented and finding themselves at Carly's house more often than not. Carly convinces herself that this is the start of something new, and yet she still sleeps with the stuffed pink wiener dog every night. And one day, when she is getting caught up in emotions the way she does from time to time, Sam comes into her room to find Carly staring at the picture and clinging to the stuffed dog, and she spills everything to Sam. And Sam wraps her in her arms and lets Carly cry and cling to what she has, and whispers sweet things into Carly's ear, and tries feebly to fill the hole that Carly's mother and father left.

_Fourteen _

She is just past fourteen now, and she has started a webshow with her two best friends, and things are finally looking up. Yet Carly is always looking back, always spending time staring at that photo and hugging that stuffed dog and crying to herself, always trying to hold onto that day when everything was perfect. Always wishing that her parents were there, always looking at Spencer and wondering if he misses them as much as she does. Always wondering if Sam worries about her. Always wondering if her father, thousands of feet below the ocean, misses her and Spencer and their mother and the big shining house they used to live in. Always wishing and looking and wondering.

_Sixteen_

She is at the end of sixteen now, and everything comes crashing down all at once on a day that started out so happy. Spencer's mistake of a lamp ruins everything, and Carly is reminded of the Christmas that his tree ruined her presents and she wished him away for his mistake. Carly is reminded of the time that she thought she had lost everything that was familiar to her, everyone that she loved. This is a million times worse; for everything she owned for was lost in that fire, even the stuffed pink wiener dog and the photo of that beautiful day when everything was right. She has lost it all, and yet this time she cannot bring herself to be mad at Spencer, because he is all she has left of what used to be, and she knows that this time she must hold onto him. And so she cries and lets Sam wrap her in her arms, and whispers into Sam's ear that her wiener dog and her photo are gone, and that nothing can ever be right again. And it isn't.


End file.
